First Writing Since…

I can’t write. Nor can I speak because I’m habouring somewhat a broken heart. I’m not sure what it is, yet. But it sure feels like one. I’m just sitting here. Hugging myself and reassuring myself that I won’t break. That its okay. That maybe we were not ever going to be. He was just a ship that passed in the night. One hell of a merry night. I love him. Its not my bad. Its not his either. But now the question comes, whose is it so I can hand it back to them its too heavy for me. Too taxing. I can’t sit still because i see it everywhere. He is every where in my world. Yet, he isnt HERE… I have spent time loving, unashamedly, bravely and unquestionably. It is a very dangerous feeling to have about someone. Seeing as it has been as one sided as i suspected it could be. That realisation alone, set the sun to some emotions and brought darkness over some. The problem is that, I waited for a while for my time with love to come, his love. Not anyone else’s. For a whole lot of time. Not considering the possibility of that never happening. I refused to go there because I believed I can’t have a chance t something so great and have it be just that, a chance. It all had to return to me, to search for me. We may have not chosen to meet but we should have chosen to seek one another out. So for now I will remeber all those times I wrote and mailed. Called and waited. I may have not been too excited about the idea of putting myself out there and saying ‘I’m still here’ but I’m glad I did.. everyone i looking for something(one) that they can be happy with share life with. Pray with. Laugh with. I will still continue to pray that you find that happiness because the man i saw in you deserves all that and all the good things in the world. You are amazing and incredible, and i don’t say that lightly.


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